Starting Over

It has been just over a month since my roommate passed away and about month since I last posted. First of all, I would like to thank all of the people who were so supportive in their comments. I have found that the kindness of other people has lifted me up during some extremely dark moments. It has been so difficult to even function these last few weeks. The house is so unbelievably lonely, even with the dog and cats to keep me company. Except for one aunt, I pretty much have no family that I keep in touch with, so I feel very alone through all this. If it weren't for my aunt, and a handful of close friends, I would not have made it.

During this time, I have been very sporadic in my use of diatomaceous earth, taking it once every other day or so. It's just been difficult to make myself do anything at all. The dishes had piled up, the house has gotten filthy again after a friend had cleaned it for me, and I have gotten way behind in all of my classes.

But today has been a better day. I got some laundry done, I did some dishes, and I went to class tonight. I also took D.E. this morning and this afternoon. But I am pretty much back to square one with my health with two exceptions - my knees are pretty much healed, and I have actually kept my weight where it was even though my diet has been horrible. For the first week, my aunt kept me fed by taking me out to eat morning, noon, and night. She also bought candy bars for us to snack on while cleaning the house. After she went back to her house, I found myself buying cookies and candy to snack on. I also spent some of the money that others gave me on fast food because I could not make myself cook, but then again once the dishes built back up in the sink, I had nothing to cook with or eat off of.

So thanks to all of that and not taking D.E., my blood pressure is averaging 165/108 again, and my energy level is nonexistent. My motivation level is also nonexistent. Of course I am still extremely depressed much of the time, and I still have problems with severe anxiety.

I am now hoping to get myself back into taking D.E. regularly, and get myself back into some sort of routine. I am hoping to be able to make myself post more often, though with everything else I am dealing with, I cannot promise to be posting regularly yet, but that will hopefully change as I get through this dark time and begin healing.