Energy Returning

Since I last posted a few days ago, I have been taking DE regularly - 1 heaping tablespoon (maybe more since I don't really measure it) twice a day. I have noticed that, even with the struggle I am having with grief and severe depression, my energy level has improved dramatically along with my motivation to get things done.

Yesterday I managed to get a huge amount of the dishes that had piled up washed and put away. I don't have a dishwasher so I have to do everything by hand, which makes doing the mountain of dishes that had piled up a huge undertaking. Both sinks were full of dirty dishes, the counter was piled up with dirty dishes, and the stove is full of dirty pots and pans. There was not a single clean plate, bowl, or piece of silverware in the house. But now there are only a few plastic containers in one sink, and two dirty pans along with their lids on the stove. I did these dishes at night, which is another huge step forward for me as I usually shut down completely if I am at home when the sun goes down.

As I write this, the second load of laundry is in the washing machine, and I have put up several items on eBay. I also spent some time outside talking with a neighbor instead of wanting to hide away inside the house. Overall, I feel better in many ways. It's the same way I felt when I first started taking DE - energy and motivation way up from where they were before.

Another expected result of taking DE regularly again is that my appetite has decreased dramatically. Over the last month, I have been eating an unhealthy amount of food. I had been constantly craving sweets and comfort food, and since I have been too wrapped up in grief to really care, my diet has been extremely unhealthy consisting of sweets, fast food, lots and lots of cola, junk food, frozen dinners, chips, and canned pasta. At times I have added vegetables, but since I was too depressed to do dishes, my meals mainly consisted of what I could make using the least amount of dishes and silverware possible.

But over the last couple of days, I have cooked my breakfast - 2 eggs with two slices of turkey bacon and one glass of cola (compared to the nearly half of a two liter bottle that I have been having with breakfast for the last month). Last night I had a frozen meal for dinner, but that was before I did the dishes, so I really had no way of making anything healthier. This afternoon, I think I will make some biscuits and tuna salad for lunch and drink apple juice instead of cola. Tonight I am planning on making homemade burritos. Overall, much healthier meals than I have become accustomed to. I really have no desire for sweets at the moment.

Unfortunately, my blood pressure has not come down. It was averaging 155/109 earlier. Just have to be patient with that. I think it took nine or ten days before DE had any effect on my blood pressure when I first started taking it.

Starting Over

It has been just over a month since my roommate passed away and about month since I last posted. First of all, I would like to thank all of the people who were so supportive in their comments. I have found that the kindness of other people has lifted me up during some extremely dark moments. It has been so difficult to even function these last few weeks. The house is so unbelievably lonely, even with the dog and cats to keep me company. Except for one aunt, I pretty much have no family that I keep in touch with, so I feel very alone through all this. If it weren't for my aunt, and a handful of close friends, I would not have made it.

During this time, I have been very sporadic in my use of diatomaceous earth, taking it once every other day or so. It's just been difficult to make myself do anything at all. The dishes had piled up, the house has gotten filthy again after a friend had cleaned it for me, and I have gotten way behind in all of my classes.

But today has been a better day. I got some laundry done, I did some dishes, and I went to class tonight. I also took D.E. this morning and this afternoon. But I am pretty much back to square one with my health with two exceptions - my knees are pretty much healed, and I have actually kept my weight where it was even though my diet has been horrible. For the first week, my aunt kept me fed by taking me out to eat morning, noon, and night. She also bought candy bars for us to snack on while cleaning the house. After she went back to her house, I found myself buying cookies and candy to snack on. I also spent some of the money that others gave me on fast food because I could not make myself cook, but then again once the dishes built back up in the sink, I had nothing to cook with or eat off of.

So thanks to all of that and not taking D.E., my blood pressure is averaging 165/108 again, and my energy level is nonexistent. My motivation level is also nonexistent. Of course I am still extremely depressed much of the time, and I still have problems with severe anxiety.

I am now hoping to get myself back into taking D.E. regularly, and get myself back into some sort of routine. I am hoping to be able to make myself post more often, though with everything else I am dealing with, I cannot promise to be posting regularly yet, but that will hopefully change as I get through this dark time and begin healing.